Waiting Game

Dear Little One,

I have neglected posting for quite some time. The list of excuses is never as good as simply sitting down to write. We're delighted to be expecting your little brother's arrival any day now. We're counting down until we have him safe and sound in our arms.

The best image we have of your little brother 29w 5d.

As you know, he's gotten extra special treatment in this pregnancy. First when they were a little worried about how sick Mommy was getting in May and June and then when her blood sugars got all out of control this summer. More recently she started to show signs of early labor and the doctors quickly put a stop to that.

So we've made it to the 36 weeks and 6 days mark. The same age that you were when everything in our lives changed a little over 4 years ago. It's hard not to feel afraid, apprehensive and a little anxious about the entire situation. Even with many expert eyes watching your little brother's progress your Mom and Dad are still on pins and needles waiting for his arrival.

This is how big Callan has grown!

Your other little brother, Callan is really excited to be an older brother. Of course, his 2-yr-old mind isn't sure how to process it all but when it comes down to it, he knows a few key things: you, Corban are with Jesus and Grandpa and baby Colter is in Mommy's tummy. He often goes into the nursery which he knows belongs to the soon-to-be-born mysterious one we always talk about. Yet he often asks us about you Corban before informing us of what you and Grandpa are up to lately. It's tender and fun to hear him speak so adamantly about you. I think he is able to see things we grownups cannot see.

Speaking of the nursery, we hope you don't mind us getting that ready for Colter. It think it's wonderful that you can share this part of their lives with them. It used to be painful to look at the mural and think about how you never got to come home to this room, but now it feels more like a way of you being there with each of them when they are so little.

We had to also paint the "ugly room" which WAS a combination craft/guest bedroom. After painting it, we also put in new carpet. Callan now has his "own room" as he describes it with a big boy bed. He loves it. We love how it transformed from ugly into Callan's room. We hope you like it as much as we all do.

Before the transformation...

After the transformation...

With his new bed and furniture

Corban, we sure miss you. Not a day goes by that we don't think of you and wonder what kind of things you would be interested in as a 4-year-old. As we watch Callan grow and anticipate meeting Colter we will always be reminded of you, the one who made us parents. Corban you are so important to us and you will always hold a place in our hearts. Watch over us, please. Know that we love you. And if it is ever possible, reach across that distance to us and help us feel you close beside us. I know Callan talks to and plays with you. I hope that he will always remember the older brother he has waiting for him in heaven!

And as for those little fears that sneak in as we await Colter's birth, help us with those too. Watch over your little brother and get him ready to enter our little family. We may not be perfect parents but we sure are anxious to have him join our little brood!

Looking Back

Dear Little One,

We realize that we have let the blog posts (letters) lapse due in part to a busy schedule and having a 13 month old. Mommy hase been working on gathering different pictures from the first year of your little brother, Callan's life. However on here we will start with the ones taken starting this year. There are so many fun pictures of your brother as he has entered the stage of toddler.

Callan enjoys looking out the window, and if Mommy lifts him up and helps him, he especially enjoys standing on the window seat and looking out at the yard. When Daddy would be out clearing the walks or working in the yard, Callan always makes sure Mommy lifts him up so he can see and wave to Daddy.

Another thing Callan loves is books. This year he is asking for books for his birthday because he loves to read them. We often go to the library for Discovery Time and listen to the stories. If Mommy gets Callan ready fast enough, she is usually there early enough to read a book to him.

Since your little brother has discovered that he can stand up after crawling to where he wants to play, he started opening doors and drawers. It doesn't matter whose house we are at, Callan can be found exploring the cupboards in the kitchen and bathrooms. And, if we let him, Callan will gladly reorganize any of these spaces.

Your little brother was spoiled at Christmas last year. He got a Billy Beat blocks builder along with a John Deere dump truck. Both sets came with blocks. His favorite thing to do each morning and afternoon is to play with these toys and explore whatever Mommy or Daddy build for him. In fact, lately he has started to take apart everything they build and try to put the pieces together himself!

Now, as we all know, when you're a little kid like Callan, it means you have to go shopping a lot with Mommy and Daddy. Sometimes it gets boring having to go through the clothes section or heading over to pick up some more diapers. But lately, little Callan is owning the cart and trying to add anything he can to the shopping experience. We're just glad to have him along for company!

Callan especially loves the stairs. We have to block them off so he doesn't take off and climb them, but whenever he gets the chance, like what happens every morning when he is allowed to climb up stairs after breakfast, Callan takes off and climbs the steps as fast as he can. He likes to stop now and then to look back to make sure you see how well he is doing. If he has the time, he may even grin at you through the bannister.

Your little brother loves to help with chores. He likes to take laundry out of the dryer, even if it's not dry yet. But his favorite thing is to open and close the dryer door and watch as the light turns on.

Since Callan loves doors so much, he often ends up playing a "peek-a-boo" game with Mommy while she is folding laundry. He gets a kick out the game for hours on end, which is nice because it means that Mommy can usually get a few things done while Callan plays. Though if he sees a pile of laundry, Callan does tend to burrow into it and sart sorting.

Callan loves kids. He's kind of fun that way and in both these pictures he and his cousin Sophie explore baskets full of vegtables. It's funny to watch them because Callan usually tries to eat something and Sophie (who is 13 months older) just watches him and usually laughs. She is full of all sorts of mischief and so she usually tries to get him to walk with her. Whenever they see each other she showers him with kisses and hugs. Callan kissed her hand the other day and at first Sophie kept saying "Callan ate my hand" but after we explained that baby kisses are different and that he was trying to kiss her she proudly walked around telling everyone that "Callan kiss my hand!" Though these pictures are of him and Sophie, Callan loves all his cousins. He especially loves Ellie (who is 6 months younger) and tries to steal her frog binky. They have held hands and both seem to have a lot of noise to make when they are together. His youngest cousin Ryker is also one of Callan's pals. Ryker is 3 months old and has started to smile a lot. Callan has gotten a little more bold in going over to Ryker and making sure to touch Ryker and try to talk to him in baby babble.

Callan also loves to laugh. He's really fun and usually will grab any bare toes he sees and start to giggle and try to get you to scream. His sense of humor doesn't stop there.

Your little brother loves pillows and pillow pets. He will roll over them and giggle, especially when he's just woken up from a nap.

For his birthday, Callan got a set of PVC pipe and fitting as a building kit. He loves to put the pieces in his mouth and make noises through the pipe like his Daddy and Mommy have done. He also enjoys playing with whatever new creation they build for him.

As you can see, your brother has grown to be pretty tall. He started out as short as the monkey on the wall behind him (from the monkeys head to his toes is about how tall Callan was when he was born). Now he can reach up high and get into things. He's even taller than about 90% of the kids his age and plenty of kids older than him. 

Callan has a heart full of love. He is quick to smile and laugh with you, though he is often pretty shy.

Your Grandpa Kent took Callan out for a ride on the 4-wheeler and Callan really enjoyed himself. A couple days later, Daddy also took him out for a ride and Callan was so relaxed he almost fell asleep. He is a curious little guy and loves to be a part of the action.

Your little brother is patriotic in the sense that he likes the American flag and especially likes the holidays when he gets to spend more time with Daddy. As he grows, he will learn all about the freedoms of being a citizen of the United States of America and will be ready to do his part as a scout to help take care of this beautiful world we live in.

As we said before, your little brother loves to read and any book that is sturdy enough for him to hold himself usually gets looked at for quite a while at the library. He has learned to love stories, just like Mommy.

Recently we have watched as your little brother takes his first steps, though he still likes to hold onto something for balance. Two teeth have come in and we anticipate one or two more in the next few weeks as he is starting to teeth a little again.

No matter how big he grows, he will always be your little brother. Whenever we take him to the Cemetery, he plays with you, Corban. He is learning about you and we can tell he knows that you are a part of our family. So please continue to watch over him and us, Corban.

We love you and miss you.

A Year in Review - Curious Callan

Dear Corban,

Your little brother, Callan is growing and progressing. We’ve been delightfully busy keeping up with him. He came to us from heaven with a natural strength physically paired with a determined curiosity. This means that our Curious Callan has gotten into his fair share of mischief.

To chart his growth, which often is in the upper 80s or mid 90s percentile, I’ve dutifully taken a photo every month on the 4^th to help show just how fast he has gone from his 9lbs and 21” and grown to be over 20lbs and somewhere close to almost 30” tall. If he keeps with this trend, we shall have a giant on our hands in a couple years. Here are a few of those images, to help show some of that growing up we’ve witnessed.

Callan is our second miracle. At times we tearfully imagine what it would be like to watch you, Corban as you would take Callan by the hand and together you’d explore the world. Callan get’s really excited and breathes heavily in anticipation of any new toy and attempt to cross the room or sneak around barriers to go upstairs, so we sometimes wonder how you’d show your excitement, Corban. It seems Callan is often smiling off into the distance, as if he is still able to see you as you watch over our family. We know that the veil between this life and heaven is often thin for little ones, so we know that Callan is blessed with the ability to see and interact with you. Sometimes we find ourselves jealous for that connection as well, so that we could see you and feel you close by during the harder moments.

Christmas was especially emotional as we realized that this would have been your third Christmas, Corban. You’d be the one practically jumping out of your PJs to get to the things you knew Santa and your parents had waiting under the tree. Instead, we did our best to encourage 10 ½ month old Callan not to open those presents until Christmas morning. And come Christmas morning, we woke him with the sound of jingling bells so that he could feel a measure of excitement and anticipation as we carried him downstairs to the tree. Don’t worry, Corban, Callan had the present-opening down to a science by the time Christmas finally came. We’re sure you helped encourage him in his many efforts to practice opening gifts in the days and weeks leading up to that time! That’s one example of how we know you have a sense of humor, Corban.

Our Christmas Card

With this new year in our view and many unknowns ahead, we are so grateful to our Heavenly Father for all that He has given us. Our lives have been filled with joys and bounties not explainable or attributable to things of this earth. We know He is there keeping close watch. We also feel you near, Corban, during the moments when our hearts are saddened and our spirits are dampened by the various low moments in our lives. We love you, son. We hope you feel that love as you watch us interact with your little brother. We long for the day when we can hold you and play with you just as we do with Callan. We’re so grateful for Jesus, His atonement and resurrection that allow us the hope and assurance that we will see you again. So, until that time when we are reunited again, know that we cherish your memory forever in our hearts.

We love you, Corban. We will never forget you.

Love, Dad and Mom (and Callan).

PS Below are a handful of pictures we've taken of Callan throughout the year. Enjoy!