The Holidays

Dear Little One,

The past couple months have been hard for us. We miss you so much. The hope of holding you again has helped ease a measure of the grief, helped mend our broken hearts. Still the desire to be with you remains.

For Halloween, you Mommy and Daddy carved some pumpkins. Mommy loves to draw different characters onto the pumpkins and then carve them. She’s done a lot more drawing lately since September. It brings her a little closure and helps her feel a little closer to you when she takes the time to do something creative.

Grandpa Kent had a lot of success with his pumpkins this year. He gave us a pumpkin to put at your headstone. Your cousins Jonathon and Hannah also picked out a pumpkin to place at your headstone to help decorate it for the fall season.

Grandma Kent decorated a cornucopia with little cars and things, we don’t have a picture of it to share with you right now, but it was really awesome.

Daddy welded together a new stand to hold the wind chimes that Aunt Stephanie, Jonathon, Hannah and Grandma picked out for you. The stand can also hold the flower arrangement Mommy put together.

Since Christmas is coming, we decided you needed a tree. The picture we have of that right now is a little blurry, sorry about that. We’ll have to get a better one up soon. The tree is decorated with ornaments that Grandma Kent and Aunt Stephanie provided. It also has little Christmas lights on it that light up. Your cousin Hannah especially likes this feature. 

Grandma Kent also got a Santa that lights up and some solar lights that look like candy canes. I don’t have pictures of those yet either, but maybe I can get to that soon.

Corban, we miss you so much. With every celebration this year Daddy and Mommy long to hold you, to share in the delight with you. You were too good for this world, little one. And you will always be our little angel. W know that this Christmas and always we will have your loving spirit close by. We love you so much, son. We long for the day when we can rejoice with you and hold you in our arms again.

Our Corban

Dear Little One,
A lot of things have happened that were unexpected, starting with a doctor appointment the first of this month. You weren't as active as you used to be, so the doctor decided to do a non-stress test. You didn't do so well, so he had Mommy eat and then do the test again. Things looked better after a little while, but the doctor decided the 3-day weekend ahead was too long, so he told Mommy to come in for another test. That Saturday, the 3^rd, Mommy went in and things were looking great. Your little heart was beating at a normal rate and you were moving around just fine.

Two days later though, something had changed. Mommy had noticed that you weren’t moving at all, so she went into the hospital. They gave Mommy and Daddy the hard news that you weren’t going to stay with them as long as they had planned because your little heart wasn’t beating.

After 40 hours of induced labor your Mommy delivered your tired little body into this world. With tears in her eyes, she looked down at your lovely face. Daddy and Mommy were blessed to have a lot of Daddy’s family there with us so that we could all get to hold you for a little while and feel of the peace that came. Your little toes look like Mommy’s and your mouth and nose look a lot like your Daddy’s.

Thanks to UtahShare and Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep volunteers as well as excellent nurses, a wonderful doctor and kind anesthesiologist, Mommy and Daddy can look back on September 7 and remember you.

We miss you so much.

We went home later that week (Friday) after Mommy got much of her strength back thanks to a blood transfusion. Daddy and Grandpa Kent got things in order with Lindquist Mortuary for a small graveside service to be held out at Hooper Cemetery.
On September 17^th, you were laid to rest in a beautiful ceremony. After a family prayer said by your Grandpa Eagar, we all drove out to the cemetery. Since you were so little, Daddy was your only Pallbearer. All of your uncles were Honorary Pallbearers. Your uncle Tony played his guitar and sang Come Thou Fount and then Grandpa Kent dedicated your grave.

Dear friends and family gathered to honor your short time here on earth and to embrace your grieving parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and great-grandparents. Here’s a little poem that Mommy wrote to you:

Our souls were anxious for parenthood,

our arms were ready to hold you, dear Corban;

our hearts already overflowed with love.

We just couldn’t wait for our little son to be born!

We had hours and minutes where others have had years,

but we filled every second with love and memories,

sharing kisses and soft words; we only wiped away happy tears.

We know there is the promise of holding you in the eternities.

Son, you are loved beyond the reach or power of words.

We ache to hold you again and to show you this world,

to share in your delight as you discover its wonder and make wishes,

to hear your laughter, catch your tears and gather your kisses.

But you are an angel now, awaiting that wonderful day

when once again, we are reunited as an eternal family.

You have left handprints on our hearts and hope along the way;

we will never forget you, dearest Corban. Love Daddy & Mommy.

Ready

Dear Little One,

After two baby showers and numerous shopping trips, it looks like Daddy and I have your nursery ready. We’ve organized your clothes into drawers and into the closet, your diapers by size in a huge stack in the closet as well as your blankets and toys.

We can’t wait to show you this world, watch as you discover and grow! Of course, we are willing to wait four more weeks so that you can grow healthy and strong before being born. Here’s a look around your nursery at some of the things that are waiting for you.

Each time Mommy goes to the doctor she is amazed at how big you've grown. The doctor is amazed too, you've exceeded a lot of expectations already. You definitely are our little miracle!